Sometimes I Just Blow It

Sometimes, well, a lot of times, I blow it! 

I hesitated to share my crazy with y'all so early on in this new blog endeavor but then I remembered that this blog is my space to keep it real. I want to share the crazy because I believe that is one area where all women can relate to each other! I only wish I didn't have a crazy moment so soon to share. But who am I kidding? I have crazy moments daily. Some are just crazier than others.

I went a little nuts on my soon to be 5th grader this afternoon. 

Today was her first day of a new dance class. She has been excited about it for a long time. I had her prepare her dance bag earlier today with the appropriate shoes, drinks and snacks and had her lay out her leotard and tights and any other clothing items she planned to take with her. I didn't think to double check her clothing choices. A mistake.

I told her that she should be ready for me to do her hair bun at a specific time and then I got busy doing my own thing. I assumed that because she was so excited for this class surely she would be watching the clock. Another mistake. We all know what happens when we assume.

At the given hour on the clock for ballet bun doing, I went looking for my little dancer. I fully expected her to be dressed so that we could leave for the studio in an unrushed manner as soon as her bun was in. Well, she wasn't. She was oblivious to the time. She stared at me blankly when I asked her if she knew what time it was. Her room and bathroom were a mess. This is where my mommy temper tantrum began.

I not so nicely, in a loud (and mean) panic, told her to get dressed. Tights and leotards are not the quickest and easiest clothing items to put on. As I continued to rant and rave throughout her room I noticed that she had put on an old leotard, a leotard that she has complained about numerous times, a leotard that according to her falls down in the front causing her to pull it up every few minutes. This began another fit for me. Why? Why when she has had days to prepare for this important class and was specifically told to lay out her clothes, would she chose to lay out her most uncomfortable leotard? WHY? Her answer was that she could not find her other one. 

I will not go on and on but let me assure you her room is not a complete pigsty, with a little bit of effort she could have found her good leotard. I am sure it is wadded up in the back of a drawer because despite the fact that I wash and fold her laundry, I foolishly rely on her to put it away neatly and in the appropriate drawers, the drawers that I purge and clean out several times a year. 

I get it though. I know she is a child, and that she is still learning about time management. And I too was a drawer, closet and under the bed stuffer. I get it.

However, just because I "get it" doesn't mean I like it. I mean, come on, pull a little bit of weight here, little one. Take some ownership of this event! I get so tired of organizing and watching the clock for EVERYONE in this house! It is exhausting!

So yes, I do think I had a right to be frustrated, but why oh why do I have to let my frustration get the best of me? It always leaves me feeling bad and causes me to put words out there that I can't take back. 

Before we left the house I tried to bring things back around. I apologized for my crazy and tried to have a quick discussion about how and why things went so quickly sour as we prepared to leave for something that was going to be really fun. 

It was a bummer way to start this summer class. I felt bad. She felt bad. It was just bad.

But then there is grace. We said a prayer on the way to the dance studio. We said a prayer for forgiveness and a prayer for thanks, strength and encouragement. We laughed at a few inside jokes. I got her to smile. We reclaimed a bit of excitement and let go of a bit of the hurt. We moved on. I hope. I pray she is not dancing with a heavy heart.

Sometimes I just blow it. 

Lesson Learned: Teach time management and organizational skills this summer. I think we will figure out a way to put that iPhone to good, constructive use!